9 Money Habits That Should Make You Think Twice Before Marrying Someone
Love may be what brings two people together, but money is often what tests them. Couples who are head over heels during the dating years can find themselves arguing over bills, debt and spending once they share a bank account. Many marriage counselors say money is among the most common sources of conflict between spouses, and it has ended more than a few marriages.
The good news is that many money problems can be spotted before the wedding. How someone handles money while you’re dating often tells you how they’ll handle it as a spouse. Paying attention to the warning signs can save a lot of heartache later. Here are nine money habits that should make you think twice before marrying someone.
1. They Hide Purchases
If your partner hides shopping bags, deletes receipts or lies about how much something cost, it’s a serious red flag. Hiding purchases suggests they know their spending would upset you, and they’d rather keep secrets than talk about it.
Financial secrecy can erode trust in a relationship. Experts sometimes call it “financial infidelity,” and it can be as damaging to a marriage as other forms of betrayal.
2. They Won’t Talk About Debt
Everyone has some financial baggage, whether it’s student loans, car payments or credit card balances. But if your partner refuses to tell you how much they owe or gets defensive when you ask, it’s a warning sign.
When you marry, your partner’s debts can affect your shared finances, credit and future plans. Being open about debt before the wedding is essential. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau offers tools for understanding and managing credit card debt.
3. They Have No Budget
Some people never track their spending and have no idea where their money goes each month. They may be surprised when they can’t pay a bill or run out of money before payday.
Living without a budget isn’t a deal-breaker on its own, but it can cause problems if your partner isn’t willing to change. A shared budget is one of the best tools married couples have for avoiding money fights.
4. They Overspend to Impress
Some people spend lavishly to impress others, buying expensive clothes, cars or gadgets they can’t really afford. They may pick up the check every time or buy extravagant gifts, even when it strains their finances.
It can feel flattering while dating, but it can lead to serious debt in a marriage. Pay attention to whether their spending matches their income.
5. They’re Controlling About Money
On the other end of the spectrum, some people are extremely controlling about money. They may insist on managing every dollar, question every purchase you make or give you an “allowance.” In some cases, controlling money can be a form of abuse.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline lists financial control as one of the warning signs of an abusive relationship. Healthy couples make financial decisions together.
6. They Never Save
If your partner spends every dollar they earn and never puts anything aside, it may be a sign of trouble ahead. Without savings, an unexpected car repair, medical bill or job loss can turn into a crisis.
Many Americans struggle to save. The Federal Reserve’s annual survey on household finances regularly finds that a large share of adults would have trouble covering an unexpected expense. A partner who never saves may leave you carrying the burden.
7. They Lend Money Without Discussing It
Some people regularly lend or give money to family members or friends without considering how it affects their own finances. While generosity is admirable, it becomes a problem when it puts your household at risk.
Once you’re married, big financial decisions should be made together. A partner who keeps bailing out relatives without talking to you can cause serious resentment.
8. They Gamble Too Much
Occasional lottery tickets or a trip to the casino may be harmless. But if your partner gambles frequently, bets large amounts or chases losses, it can be a sign of a gambling problem. Online sports betting has made it easier than ever to gamble from home.
Gambling problems can drain savings and lead to serious debt. If you’re worried, it’s important to talk about it before marriage.
9. They Refuse to Talk About Money
Perhaps the biggest red flag is a partner who refuses to discuss money at all. They may change the subject, get angry or say it’s not romantic to talk about finances. But money conversations are a necessary part of building a life together. Couples who talk openly about money, including their goals, fears and spending habits, tend to handle financial challenges better.
Why Money Matters in Marriage
Money touches almost every part of married life, from where you live to how you raise children and when you retire. Different attitudes about spending and saving can lead to constant conflict if couples don’t address them.
Many couples find it helpful to have honest conversations about money before the wedding. Talking about income, debt, spending habits and goals can help couples understand each other and avoid surprises. There are also some money secrets that should never be kept from a spouse.
How to Start the Money Conversation
Talking about money doesn’t have to be awkward. Many couples find it easier to start with goals rather than numbers, such as where they’d like to live, whether they want children and when they hope to retire. From there, they can talk about income, debt, credit scores and spending habits.
Some couples share their credit reports with each other before marriage. Others decide how they’ll handle bank accounts, whether joint, separate or a mix of both. There’s no single right answer, but agreeing on a plan ahead of time can prevent many arguments later.
What to Do If You See These Signs
Seeing one or two of these habits doesn’t mean you should end the relationship. Many people can change their money habits with effort and support. The key is whether your partner is willing to talk honestly and work on the problem together. Premarital counseling or meeting with a financial planner can help couples get on the same page. Which of these money habits would be a deal-breaker for you, and how did you and your partner learn to handle money together?
