Young Man Tells Girlfriend He’d Rather Take Care of Himself After Two Sexless Years

A relationship can survive distance, busy schedules, awkward seasons, and even painful conversations. But when intimacy disappears for years, and nobody knows how to talk about it without someone getting hurt, one honest sentence can blow the whole relationship open.

According to one Redditor’s account, he and his girlfriend had been together since they were teenagers. They started dating when he was 16, and she was 17, and in the beginning, their relationship had regular affection, kissing, dates, and sex.

But over time, things changed. What once felt like a young relationship full of closeness slowly turned into something that, by his telling, looked more like a friendship with history attached to it.

Then, after two years without sex, she made a suggestive comment during a visit. His response was blunt, fast, and painful.

He told her he preferred taking care of himself.

Now she is not answering his messages, and readers are arguing over whether he was cruel, honest, or simply done pretending the relationship still had the same kind of spark.

Their Teenage Romance Slowly Turned Into Something Else

According to the Redditor, the couple’s relationship began with a strong physical connection. In the early years, they were often intimate and still made time for affection even as life began to change.

Then, around one year into dating, he said his girlfriend began wanting sex less often. He claimed he accepted that without making it a major issue. They still kissed, went on dates, and stayed together, so he did not see it as the end of the relationship.

Things changed more when the university began. She moved to another city, while he stayed closer to home. They still visited each other, went out together, and continued the relationship, but according to the post, sex became rarer and rarer.

By his account, the shift did not occur in a single dramatic fight. It happened slowly, until the physical side of the relationship almost disappeared.

He Said He Stopped Asking After Hearing No Too Many Times

The Redditor claimed that about two years ago, during a summer break, he tried to initiate intimacy many times. He said each attempt was turned down for reasons like tiredness, headaches, body aches, not wanting to shower again, or simply not being in the mood.

To his credit, he said he accepted the refusals. He wrote that “no” meant “no,” and he respected that. Instead of pressuring her, he said he eventually stopped trying.

That detail mattered to many readers. They did not see him as someone demanding sex. They saw him as someone who gave up after repeated rejection and adjusted his life around a relationship that no longer met that need.

According to the original poster, he still loved her. They still talked, dated, visited, and acted like a couple. But physically, he said the relationship had been dead for nearly two years.

He Found His Own Way to Deal With the Distance

The Redditor said that after the intimacy disappeared, he began masturbating once or twice a week. He described it as a simple way to relieve himself without making the issue his girlfriend’s problem.

For two years, according to the post, this seemed to work quietly. He did not say he cheated. He did not say he pressured her. He did not say he punished her for saying no.

Then he spent two months abroad in another country through an Erasmus program. Because he was sharing a room, he said he did not masturbate during that time.

When he finally returned home, no one was there, so he took care of himself. A few hours later, his girlfriend came over to see him.

That is when the conversation took a turn neither of them seemed ready for.

One Awkward Bedroom Comment Changed Everything

According to the post, he welcomed her, kissed her, gave her gifts, and spent time talking with her. Then she got on his bed and made a suggestive comment implying he probably needed sex after being away.

The Redditor said he replied that there was no need because he had already masturbated and felt fine. He also said he was tired from flying.

To him, the answer seemed practical. From his point of view, they had not had sex in years, so he did not assume the moment was emotionally loaded.

But his girlfriend was stunned. According to the post, she asked if he was serious, and when he confirmed it, she began crying and asked whether he still loved her.

He told her he did. Then she asked whether he preferred sex with her or masturbating.

He said he answered immediately that he preferred masturbating.

That was the line that broke the room. She left his house and has not responded to his messages since.

Readers Said His Honesty Was Brutal, but the Relationship Was Already Broken

Commenters largely sided with the Redditor, but not everyone thought he handled the moment well. Many said his answer was honest, but his delivery was harsh enough to hurt anyone.

Several readers argued that a softer response would have been better. Instead of saying he preferred masturbation, he could have said he was tired, not in the mood, or emotionally unsure after years without intimacy.

Still, most reactions focused on the bigger issue. Readers said the real problem was not one blunt sentence. It was the fact that two people in their early 20s had spent years in what many described as a sexless relationship.

Some commenters said they were far too young to be living like an old married couple with no physical connection. Others argued that they were acting more like close friends than romantic partners.

A number of people also criticized the girlfriend’s way of initiating. They felt her comment made sex sound like an obligation instead of desire. After two years of rejecting him, they said it was unrealistic for her to expect him to respond with excitement the moment she suddenly made the offer.

Some Readers Wondered If They Simply Want Different Relationships

The deeper issue, according to many responses, was compatibility. The girlfriend has every right to say no to sex. The boyfriend also has every right to want a relationship that includes sexual intimacy.

That is where the conflict becomes painful. Neither person has to be a villain for the relationship to stop working. One partner may want little or no sex. The other may need physical closeness to feel loved and connected.

Some commenters speculated that she may have a very low sex drive or could fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum, though the post did not confirm that. Others warned against turning that possibility into an accusation, because only she can explain what she feels or does not feel.

But readers agreed on one point: if two people want completely different levels of intimacy, pretending the issue does not exist can quietly poison the relationship.

Love Alone May Not Be Enough When Resentment Builds

This story hit a nerve because many couples know what it feels like when one person stops asking, and the other person stops noticing. Silence can feel peaceful at first, but over time, it can become resentment wearing a polite face.

According to the Redditor, he did not stop loving his girlfriend. But he did stop seeing her as someone who wanted him sexually. That matters.

For his girlfriend, his answer likely felt like rejection. For him, her sudden hurt may have felt confusing after years of rejection.

That is the sad part. Both may have felt rejected, just at different times.

She may have heard, “I do not want you.” He may have been carrying, “You have not wanted me for years.”

Neither wound disappears because one conversation finally forced them into the open.

A relationship does not need constant sex to be real, and nobody owes their partner intimacy on demand. But a couple also cannot ignore physical disconnection for years and act shocked when the distance changes how one person feels.

The question is not just whether he should have chosen his words more carefully. He probably should have. The bigger question is whether this relationship was still romantic, or whether both of them were holding on to a teenage love that had already grown into something neither of them wanted to name.